


To The Heartless You

by mumbled_talks



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Monologue, fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 08:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17825498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumbled_talks/pseuds/mumbled_talks
Summary: Akihito tries to prove mainstream medias wrong.





	To The Heartless You

**Author's Note:**

> self-edit.

Nobody really knows Asami more than I do.

Okay, that may sound so childish on my part, but you cannot really deny that. Even I could not, no matter how much I want to. That is a hard fact. I will tell you what: I have been living in the same room under the very same roof as him. We even sleep on the same bed! And I have been doing that for... the past ten years.

People on the medias always describe him as someone like a God. He is invinsible, legit and literally untouchable, and just over all awesome and nothing like the others in this world when really, if you just take your time to look closely, he is just an ordinary human being. Perhaps I can say this because I am the one who has been living with him... well, there is no other reason is there? I mean, you can not know him simply just by observing and seeing him for afar. You should put more effort in somehow cohabiting with him.

I’m talking about this based on my experience, seriously (laughs).

So, back to the topic at hand: nobody really knows Asami more than I do.

And you may ask why I bring this topic. Really, I have expected that because you may have known me as someone who does not really like to contemplate and look back on my past and feelings and emotions. Even until now I still don’t, but I just let myself go more than I did on my younger days.

I bring this topic to the surface simply because I do not like how the medias and people that does not really know Asami goes on their own way talking like they know everything and mislead other people into believing something that is far from the truth. This may sound so dramatic and serious, but really, I just want to straight out some points that nudge me really hard on my belly.

I often catch people thinking he does not have a heart or something. Heartless, you might say. And thereby, I cannot only stand back and watch when I know that he does. He does have a heart.

I realize this painfully because nowadays he becomes more laid-back on showing it to me. There was this one morning when I woke up first before him—which is a rare moment, if I may add—and it even surprised myself to find myself just realizing some details that I always missed because I was a darn heavier sleeper than him... does that make sense?

I mean, sure, I know he goes to sleep having his arms spooning me while his head stays atop of my head. But I never knew how long he does that until he wakes up. Surely, as a normal human being, you cannot just stay in one position sleeping, right? I mean, there are dreams or some spots on your body that grows warm or even hot whenever you are in that uncomfortable position where your blanket shields them away from the cool breeze of air conditioner or something. Or maybe your hands just want to grab some other blankets because you are fluff freak or something. However, I was proven wrong. Not all normal human being like that. There are also people who are so monotone that they keep their sleeping position the same at all times until they wake up, and there is Asami.

I woke up that morning finding his arms circling my stomach and his legs tangling against mine under the sheets. I felt breath on the back of my neck and found strands of black hair striking contrastedly against my cheek. I sensed his lips on top of my shoulder and I remembered that spot. How could I not? That was the scar of life I had that he was kissing.

And maybe it was not only me who remembered. Maybe Asami did as well. Not maybe. Asami remembered it, even until now—he always remembers it.

I often caught him looking at me on that one spot every time his eyes met my back, and I somehow always got the messange of him regretting the fact that he could not take the bullet for me at that. The bullet that scarred me—even though he never tells, I always know that it haunts him.

It is in the thousands of times I told him I forgive him and the millions of times he apologized for something he felt he was at fault for. It pains me to know that even if it has been several years that passed, I still could not rid him of his guilt. It saddens me deeply but it also gives me some sort of hope.

Hope that maybe after all that we went through Asami really did cherish me. Maybe I was not only a toy for him. Maybe everything that he did for me and the times he saved me were not only because I was some sort of property he owns.

And that thought only gets stronger the more time I spent with him.

He once cooked for me and let me tell you: it is not in every century does an Asami Ryuichi cooks. Cooking is just.... not his thing. And I perfectly get it. Asami Ryuichi was simply created and born to this world on the purpose of being cool and badass on gunfire battlefields, not in some hell he’d like to call a kitchen. He was born to hold knives and guns, not pans and spatulas and I perfectly get it. Well, but on that particular day... he cooked for me.

I remember it clearly: it was my 30th birthday. Asami did not talk to me for a whole day. Even after waking up, he simply just walked his way out of the room and went to work like some speedy shit ghost. There was no phone calls, no ‘where are you’s, and no bodyguards leeching off my back at every second I went on my way to work (as far as I know. Surely, you never knew how Asami’s mind works). I would not lie, that bugged me pretty hard. I don’t mean to brag, but it is not everyday would you catch Asami not being freaking protective over some troublemaker that is me.

But then, I arrived home and found a mess in the kitchen. This may sound so over the wall or whatever you want to call it, but there were legit black stains everywhere—you know, the ones you get whenever you burn something you cook on the pans because you don’t have any idea what would happen when you mix oils and pans and fire and organic food together?

And that was not even the funniest part.

I legit found Asami getting caught red-handed: he had this white (then black) apron shielding his million dress suit (who even cooks wearing something so inefficient anyway?) while holding this pot I recalled that held this inappropriate looking shit he might considered as edible food. And now, I’m eyeing you, mainstream medias, who speak so fluently about how Asami does not have any expression other than bitch-resting-face or a million dollar smirk. He does have other expressions. Lots and lots of it. And I was watching them changing in a millisecond when I caught him that night: it was a mixture of shock and panic, sprinkle it with some secondhand embarrasment and a splash of anger. Or annoyance? I don’t know. I don’t know how to describe it best at this point (laughs).

I might have grown to love him too much. You know why? I HELD MY MOUTH SHUT AND DID NOT LAUGH AT HIM. No. But I let out a little smile, you know? You could not really help it. Just imagine being in my shoes at that time. At least you would smile, right?

As you can see from how smoothly I am telling you all of this, yes, we did not eat whatever-it-is-he-was-cooking. We are still very healthy, and I should add that we never had a record of being intoxicated by food until now, thankfully. Asami just simply threw the whole pot into the trashbin and started reaching for his phone. He was rather considerate enough to order sushi take-outs for us.

Now, let me tell you: that was the best dinner and that also simply becoming the best birthday I have ever had.

Personally, I do not really know what makes a person has a heart or not. There are lots of metaphors out there that I could not simply take out right now because I’m just not that philosophical poet. But, in this case, I think what makes you a not heartless person is when you feel for someone, whether it be anger, sadness, affectionate, happiness, and other emotions. You are not heartless when you feel things. And as ridiculous as this may sound, I think Asami feels things for me.

Excluding the first two examples I added earlier, there are just so many other things he did consciously or unconsciously to me that is far from heartless. For another simple example, he searches for me. And he might does it like some mad farmer looking for his one stray chicken, but the point is he searches for me. You don’t search for something when it doesn’t value you anything. And even though I am still not sure what I am to him, I don’t doubt the fact that I still mean something for him. So much, that he is afraid if I’m gone.

And not to mention the million times he held me, hugged me, embraced me. He did them all like I was a fragile being. He may not say, he is not a talkative person after all—regarding his feelings—but I often feel the power in his arms. It feels like, he knows he has the power to do everything he wants. He knows he could shatter or break him whenever he wants to and I won’t be able to stop him. But there is this little thing in him that’s holding him back from doing all of that. So he holds me with that, with half ass baked power. With power held back by emotions.

So, does Asami have a heart? Yes, he does. He really does.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know the point of this fic, lol. I just have this idea brewing for a long time and I know I have to let it out so here you go!
> 
> I do not own the Finder Series.


End file.
